Are there times when you realise that you are snapping in a conversation, retreating in silence, or bending over backward to keep the peace but then after think, why did I do that? These reactions are often automatic. But they’re not random. In many cases, they’re echoes from earlier in life, shaped by our earliest experiences with connection, safety, and love.
From an EFT perspective, these adult responses are learned behaviours ways to manage emotions and a way of coping that has been developed in childhood when we had limited control over our environment. What you learned back then about what was safe, acceptable, or dangerous often continues to run in the background, influencing your thoughts, relationships, and responses without your conscious awareness.
Let’s take the example of people-pleasing. As an adult, it might show up as difficulty saying no or feeling responsible for other people’s feelings and emotions. Underneath this, there’s often a child who once learned that love and approval were conditional that being agreeable, helpful, or invisible kept them safe or won them affection. This behaviour didn’t start in adulthood. It was learned as a form of emotional survival.
Similarly, a person who shuts down during conflict may be unable to communicate. They may have grown up in an environment where expressing feelings led to punishment, withdrawal, or chaos. Silence, then, became a form of self-protection. The adult's silence isn’t being lazy or not listening it’s a nervous system strategy rooted in a past were speaking up felt dangerous.
Emotional Freedom Techniques help us gently look at behaviours that are no longer helpful and change our reactions. This is not about apportioning blame to us or others but to understand it. The process of EFT invites curiosity. Why do I feel this way? Where did this start? What part of me is trying to protect me by reacting this way?
Understanding that your present-day behaviours often have their roots in your past can be incredibly liberating. It’s not that you’re broken or flawed it’s that your emotional wiring was shaped during a time when you didn’t have the tools to make sense of what was happening. EFT offers a way to connect those early emotional moments to adult behaviours and release the charge they still hold, transforming how we interact with others and giving the permission to say no.
When you begin to explore your emotional responses from this compassionate, informed angle, everything starts to shift. You become less judgmental of what you thought was your flaws and more curious about your needs. You recognise the wounded child behind the overreactions or the avoidance, and you can allow that part of you the understanding and care it didn’t get back then.
This is where healing truly begins not by forcing change but by understanding why the old patterns exist in the first place. As we gently dissolve the emotional energy tied to those early experiences, we create space for new, more empowered choices.
In future posts, we’ll explore specific adult behaviours and how they relate to childhood conditioning like carrying responsibly when it’s not yours, perfectionism, difficulty setting boundaries, or attracting emotionally unavailable people.
With each post, you’ll gain more insight into the hidden emotional roots of your adult life and how EFT can support your journey back to yourself.
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